So, yes. I've been thinking too much about not thinking enough. I have been working myself into a corner and maybe I should take a break from my main body of work. I think there is a curse on my FF story that as soon as I decided to add it to the MA universe I've had writers block every since. So this is the day that I decide that that will not be a problem anymore. Demiurge's Wraith will for the time being GO back to the recesses of my psyche and stay in it's tartarus prison until I feel it will benefit instead of being the bother that it always ends up becoming.
As for the book. There is reworking going on and I have felt a need to fix the ending... the "current" ending to me feels rushed, empty and emotionless. I don't know if it's just me or what but there is a certain element missing from Miasma that has been missing since the original draft way back in 2004-2006. Maybe it's my influences, maybe it's me. It seems the older I get the more ridiculous some of the ideas seem. Originally it was such a lighthearted endeavor. A girl journeying around the world, meeting fantastic creatures and people. Reshaping everything along her unstoppable innocence... really it might be something too big for me to achieve. I mean, when I started the first book took a little under 9 months to write and I was moving at the speed of light. Now I'm lucky if I finish editing half the book in a year. I've never been one for fleshing out the whole of the book, which I've often thought I need to rethink and actually do. The writing process would move so much faster, maybe?
I think a lot of what is happening is that I am depressed most of the time but put on strong front most of the time. I usually don't make a deal of it unless I trust the person. And trust is something I never enter into lightly. Pain and hardship seem to be catalysts for the walls I've built around myself. This too might be why I haven't been able to have long meaningful relationships with women and I am fed up with my family asking me when I'm going to come out of the closet. I have no problem with gay or lesbian people but I just don't find men attractive. If I didn't have a penis I wouldn't be a fan of them. Typically because I always end up sitting on and or pinching mine somehow so there's that... not to go there but whatever, lol.
So there is the update.
LOL! You crack me up, Shay!!
ReplyDeleteOkay... so here's my unsolicited advice: Write something else. MA will be waiting. There's something deeper your subconscious wants to let out and you're trying to force yourself to do something you're not meant to do right now.
Dream up a new world. Start writing these anxieties, feelings, thoughts onto the page. Start writing and stop THINKING! You're on the cusp of coming up with something phenomenal. MA may have just been a stepping stone to greatness. (Or it may be there to finish one day down the road)
Follow your instincts and start writing! Consciousness stream is a great way to start. It's how a lot of my world was born. ;)
You're freakin' amazing!!