Have you noticed that when you stop to think something through you can get away from where you wanted to be, thought-wise?
Well, I had a proverbial Rip VanWinkle moment, well, that and the all benevolent force known as facebook informed me that I'm round the 800's in days since I last posted.
What is that thing they say about writing? ... ... ... That experience is the better part of wisdom? Well, it escapes me at the moment but I think you get my drift. So correlation, the last time I posted a blog up was around the same time I stopped posting on FB group. Not to hard to see that those events are linked very closely to one another.
Now, this blog feels like I should just do a little ranting to get the old fingers a work out. Even writing those lines above have started to put strain on my wrists. :(
Since February of 2013, let's see. In 3 months post date, I quit the job that gave me so little sleep. Much to the chagrin of my bosses, in fact, the day I put in my 2 weeks. The GM of said company followed me around the store making bargains with me as if that was the problem with that... over that summer I played A LOT, A... .... ... ... ... LOT! of a game called Mass Effect, all three one-after-the-other. Sometime in August or September, I was thoroughly pissed off at EA and depressed over the ending of said game and that the final option your are given all seemed to amount to absolutely nothing. That and someone said I have PTSD over the guilt I had from characters dying... that may be a little bit stretching but I was depressed over the entire ordeal.
But another separate piece may have been that I had also started falling for a girl, who, while meaning more to me then was reciprocated was very kind to me. Even when she took a bit of my heart with her. Actually, I still remember the exact day she told me she was beginning a relationship with another guy. February 2nd of 2014. A little more then a year after this hiatus began. Heh?
In the interim of "Big Savings" I did a few temp jobs, some I liked, some, I did not. the "Print house" was valuable experience and I very much enjoyed the time I spent there, well, I take that back. At the end they rotated me around the shifts so much I felt sick and tired most of the final days there. Eventually, though I joined up with the "Fish-place" again. That for better or worse has been a choice I've accepted as my life for now. In May of 2014, I started dating a girl named after a style of liquor. She... was never someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with, the girl who I let hurt me a few months prior was who I was still reeling over but that aside. I decided she was gone and I had to move on because she was never mine. Just a leaf that passed by my window.
"Liquor" was a tepid, facetious, vapid thing that made some half-assed assumption that I came from old money and could be her sugar daddy. *She was not even 5 months younger than myself.* This part of my life I'm going to skip because I let her abuse me and tear me down.
In fact, I let many people do that to me. It's what I think I deserve, nothing nice, never someone nice. I seem to fall for the ones that treat me like I'm dirt stuck to there boot. *Sigh*
When I had a hospital scare near the end of October of 2014, she wasn't by my side. In fact, she couldn't be bothered to even talk to me. I was after all, "Being a drama queen." So in November, I broke it off. I told her that this was her 'Get out of here ticket and that she better take it.' The rest of the year was filled with self-loathing and severe depression. Now clinically diagnosed! New people have entered and exited my life, but a few have stuck around and those people I thank. You're the reason I get out of bed, most days, I let the darkness in a little too often, but the ones that are there make it not so lonely.
Hmm, so writing and think & thinking and writing. There isn't a coefficient for getting the two to talk but maybe with some determination I'll be able to get a little focus, unblock my mind and get some book written. So for the time being blog-hiatus is over. :D
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