They say, love is a trap door, that you really can't look for.

So, let's see.  I had a very trying day at work, even got lectured about being a leader for the part-timers. I had a semi-serious conversation with a girl whom I have some history with about about our interpersonal relationship.  Mostly I wanted to see if there was room for moving to another level, but yet again I was a bit like Icarus with wings of wax and such... The title comes from a song I've listened to these last couple weeks.  A beautiful song and it helps keep my uninterrupted selfish drive for overcoming my sad human interactions.

I often wonder what I'm doing, what I should be doing and where I want to go with my life.  I want to leave a mark, whether that's with people, a place or in some other form as long as I have something that shows I lived on this planet I think I'd feel an accomplishment has been reached.  I wondered, like so many times before about this universe, and a conversation I had with a friend and my father a few years ago.  It's normal, right?  To daydream about acts of heroism to be amidst some form of action but you never know what you'll do until it happens right?

Also, I finished watching my blu-ray copy of Rebuild of Evangelion 1:11, which reminds me how much I want to do with Miasma and I came to a small epiphany with how Jennie will be developed through out her tenure and in many ways it reminds me of how far the book as a whole has come along since I started it way back in 2004.  Seems a life ago now when I hashed out a hasty idea for a girl in a friends basement.  She's evolved like me into something more mature, even when I regressed her in age.  Jennie is and will always be me.  She shares many of my interests, imagination, skills, strengths,  insecurities, and other weaknesses.  But like Evangelion, Miasma Angels is going through a rebuild and I finally feel like I know where I want to go.  I'm excited to hear what people have liked about my book and interested to hear where they found weaknesses or areas that desperately need tightening up.  I thank all of them for being so kind in taking the time to read it, and help me with the gross mistakes.

Psychological warfare.

It's almost 4 am and I have to leave for work.  Yeah, that's right.  So I can work at 5, WTH is with this place it's so dumb.  But what can you do.  I don't think Dustin will be there as long as I will be that's a give in.  But what can I do.  Someone suggested that this might be some kind of test to see if I'm promotable.  Good gawd I hope not.  This place sucks enough as is, and I don't think being IN the system, I can do a damn thing.

But I really want to work on May's thing when I get home, maybe I'll steal some scrap paper and doodle something out in the bays tomorrow.

job daze.

I'm calling bullshit on this next day... 5am is no time to be awake let alone setting foot near my place of work.  I still want to know who decided to change my time from 6:30am to 5:00am... Me thinks it's an HR rep. who decided after this past week to not like me anymore... *middle-finger in his general direction.*

Aside from work, life, seems to be going well, but considering all I have is work, I hope it doesn't get any worse...  But since I JUST said it, it probably will. *shrug*  For the upteenth time I was asked why I'm not married, I reply with the usual, because.  Life with me is harder then you'd imagine.  I'm kind of a downer, but seeing an excerpt from one of my notebooks from 3rd grade I've always been a little negative, especially, when it is in the present tense and about myself.  I need to work on being nicer to me.

And with my F-ed up day tomorrow I have a day off Thursday, let's hope, with any luck and some form of overwhelming will power I can start and finish a good portion of May's illustration.  A matter of fact, I need to email my cousin soon and see how the art he promised is coming...  that and maybe get some more editing done for MA but we might be overreaching a bit, lol.  I hope tomorrow is fast because it's gonna be some sort of miracle if I make it through tomorrow without bitching someone out for my shitty shift.

Working on... Life.

Getting back into writing is beginning to be much more of a task then I originally thought.

Work is horrible.  Not the actual job part of work.  People.  Are the worst part of the job.

Last week, the meeting up I got to have with Carissa and her husband, Collin.  Kind of weird that we couldn't get the whole group together but managing to get even the two of them there was a miracle in and of itself.

Back to writing though, I told myself I would try to get something down before I went to work, and I put it off until now... which is now 15 minutes to noon.   I hope I can manage to get the few days off for Matilda's birthday-thing.  I miss seeing her and everyone from the Range, though being up there is taxing.  Me missing them out weighs the trouble I'll put myself in later.  But this is good enough for now, when I get home I'll try and add another post, if I remember, hehe.